First, the result—I placed 5th out of 10 skaters. I fell twice and popped the second 2toe on my 2toe-2-toe combo. But the rest of my spins and jumps were spot on, literally could not have been better. I scored four points higher than I did last week at Colonials, three points ahead of the 6th place finisher and 5 points below the 4th place finisher. You can see the full results over at Icenetwork.com.
My inner 15-year-old self thinks: Wow, you idiot, you BLEW it. You fell twice on things you had no business falling on. Things that were EASY in practice. If you hadn't screwed up, you would have easily placed 4th and been on your way to Nationals! Disappointed!
My adult self: Holy crap, you fell twice and you still came in 5th, that's amazing! You must have done something very very right! And you met your goals of doing better than the previous competition! And you're a first alternate to Nationals, which is higher than you've ever placed at a qualifying competition in your life! So excited!
Honestly, I am of two minds about how I performed. I was expecting to come in about 8th or 9th going into this, so to come in 5th, to be the first alternate for Nationals and to be at least three points ahead of anyone below me is amazing. I'm honored and proud to have achieved this.
On the other hand, I should have performed better, and scored higher, I didn't train that hard and make the sacrifices I made to fall twice—a new falling record, by the way, I've never falling that much in a program. I should have stayed on my feet, placed 4th, and booked my ticket to Salt Lake City for Nationals. Instead, I missed it by one, heartbreaking placement.
But skating is heartbreaking sometimes. If you want to succeed overall, you have to keep things in perspective (something my 15-yo self had to learn over time). I spent a year bringing myself back to competitive shape after having a baby, while working full-time and balancing all that comes with that. It wasn't easy, and frankly on Saturday night when I competed, I was exhausted. Exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I hadn't seen my daughter for three days but for brief Facetime sessions--the last of which we had about an hour before I competed, and she started freaking out because she missed us. That was not what I needed to get myself psyched up for my skate. By the time I put blade to ice that night, I was at a breaking point from trying to fit everything in, and it was too much.
So in a way, part of me is relieved this is the end of my journey this year. And part of me is very satisfied with how it went.
I'm too tired to definitively commit to another season, but I haven't ruled it out. My immediate goal has become reviving that long, lost 2axel, and possibly attempting some triples again.
But stay tuned, I'm going to post photos and videos of my Easterns adventure in the next post!
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